Year (ROUND) 37 – ATAH (after the alien horde)- VICTORY
Various empires were crushed under the might of nortoious, simstar in particular feeling the full brutality of a notorious masscare on his homeworld. Making simstar watch as they crushed his followers simstar eventually retreats to the outer worlds.
Year (ROUND) 38 – ATAH (after the alien horde)- VICTORY (YAWN)
Various empires were crushed under the might of nortoious, I'm sure in some way all notorious battles touched someone in some special way. Pretty much the round was owned, with only a small feeble attempt to remove the right notorites place. Philldodillo took the empire victory this round, and we have many special battles to be published later in the battle excerpts page.
Year (ROUND) 3 9– Victory
Sending there mighty fleets into a combined effort, everyone donated power and minerals to gift Thug Luv his first Victory. The first signs of Alien Infiltration entered the notorious core fleets for the first time in over 100 years. Seeing that living with himself was punishment enough, Notorious commanders retracted the execution order on exilim and sent him to the outer planets.
Year (ROUND) 40 – Victory
Well, this one was always going to be a win, with exilim cast out, a new member was elected, later to be cast out into the darkness. This round features Philldodilldo crusing into the battle waving the notorious banner with no more than 16hrs sleep over a 7 day period.
Year (ROUND) 41 – Victory (yeah, we know were good, stop the fan mail)
Well this one was hard fought, ok, so thats a lie, it was hard fought for everyone who opposed us. The mights of many feds failed against the supreme juggernaught of Notorious. To be honest most commanders on this round where on holiday most of the time. However, It was this year, that Notorite historians traced back a blood line to a Notorious commander named Gorgon. Gorgon overwhelmed at been found hiden on an alien controlled planet, was thrilled when Commander Spart, came, saw, and kicked some alien butt. Spart, deciding that some women required his attention, gave his top fighter pilots to Gorgon to destroy anything that had "alien horde" written on it. With the new found power of Notorious, Gorgon boldly killed all and took first place to secure another victory.
Year (ROUND) 42– Victory (OK, Electronic highways are getting clogged with all the mail)
This was one of those rounds where everyone though they could beat Notorious. OH, and then we stopped fooling around and owned every aspect of it. I think this time a few well know empires got crushed, and were allowed to watch while it happened. Near on all Notorious commanders did this on half strength fleets due to holiday leave entitlements.
Year (ROUND) 43– Victory
This was an interesting round for all notorious. In a gracious move Commander Spart forgave a sure victory for Gorgon to come first. However, in a bizarre twist of lemon rind, Exilim, picking Commander Spart as a weak target (UH HUH, THATS WHAT HE IS) Has his entire fleet wrecked on Commander Spart, Considering Spart was asleep when the attack happened there was nothing he could do except take the win.
Year (ROUND) 44 - OOPS
In an experimental move Thug Luv was given command of the Notorious fleets. Provided with these fleets were commander kittens. Whilst the majority of battles went the way of Notorious, it would appear that the kittens became enticed by the sweet milk of one particular planet. Commander Thug, who was leading the kittens, got lost after trying to restock his beer supplys and lost the kittens. Once the kittens had lost the Ogreish Commander Thug, they were easily defeated.
Now Entering Year (ROUND) 45 – ATAH (after the alien horde) The alien hordes are gone, the war wages on, frequent spastic attacks happen against notorious empires, slowly but surely the notorite way of life is been restored.
The notorite way of life will be preserved. |
Meet the crew that rubs salt and lemon into your wounds while ruling the universe.
Spartapus:
Glue Division: When the going gets tough, who u think gonna stick the fleet back together.
Fav Saying: FFS, Thug, u mean u won that one
Fav Food: Gourmet Pizza
Fav Colour: Blue
Fav Porn Star: Happily Married thanku, and no phill, no home movies for u.
Spart in full battle uniform
Known to be the dominant force in the sc galaxy this commander has vanquished any foe ever to come in contact with his battle fleet. Many fleets have fled at the very site of him, some have simply surrendered or offered to join in his cause to bring the notorite way of life to all. A very brave leader, he tends to join his fleet in battle himself to keep morale up. Tangling with this notorite is almost always deadly. The only advise that can be given in battle against him is RUN !
Strengths: Skill, Ability, Knowledge, and the extreme ability to bring fear to his opponents.
Weakness: No known weakness has ever been found.
Gorgon:
Love and Moon Beams Division: Yes, Well. A tad gayish.
Fav Saying: Teddys Teddys Teddys, Everywhere
Fav FOOD: Teddy Bears Picnic baskets
Fav Colour: PINK
Fav Porn Star: Teddy Does Dallas
A very skilled commander, Held under Alien control for some time, Notorite Historians trace Gorgons origins to a long long line of Notorious Commanders in the peaceful years of conflict.
Strengths: THE TEDDY DIVERSION TRICK. (We cant go into it for security reasons)
Weakness: The only known weakness for Gorgon is women. Brining women around him during combat can result in lack of attention.
Philldodilldo:
Insanity Division: In his 17th year of self committal his cruiser is the universe's only floating loonie bin.
Fav Saying: FFS, Thug, u won that one on me?
Fav Food: cheese dip and beer
Fav Porn Star: anything as long as it has insecurities.
Fav Colour: Mostly red, a bit of black.....
Abandoned as a small notorite, Philldodilldo was tortured and warped by the alien hordes and the mutated clones. Recruited into the mainstay of the notorious federation under the strick guidelines that he stay under medical supervision aboard his cruiser until it was deemed by an independent party that he was fit for release. While he is still a danger to himself he now channels this agression towards any fleet that comes in range. Fitted with the unofficial title of Notorite Counter Terrorist Specialist, Philldodildo infiltrates the minds of most empires with cunning, deception and insanity.
Strengths: Ability to remain awake for incredible lenghts of time.
Rumoured to have a brain modification interface with his crusiers warning systems so that he can be awake for any encounter.
Weaknesses: Can focus a lot of agression on empires that really deserve it, thou this can be considered and advantage.
Thug Luv:
Luck and Probability Division: The probability of Thug Luv getting any luck is zero. The probability of relying on thugs luck to be zero is also zero.
Fav Saying: gogogogogogoggogogogogog
Fav Food: Wine. (yes i know its not technically a food group just like beer)
Fav Porn Star: wouldnt send home movies to phill so we will never know
Fav Colour: Since when the hell has peach become a colour.
While very unlucky in battle, this commander always wins in the end due to sheer and total determination. Never sell him short as he will make you pay for your own stupidity. The more fleet he looses in battle only means the more he will send against you the next time. Known to be the only notorite commander that is not concerned about his own fleets losses in order to achieve victory.
Strengths: Sheer determination, Skill, and his willingness to sacrifice fleet in battle.
Weakness: LUCK, and known to leave the galaxy for extened periods of time.
Trip Fontaine:
Support Division: Constantly bailing out notorious members in need in previous years, this year we hope to see a return of trip into the mass torpedo division.
Fav Saying: "its something unpredicatable"
Fav Food: Lots of different beers where he lives. (ok, so now it should be changed to fav drink)
Fav Porn Star: anything exi's not in.
Fav Colour: 16bit
This commander is the backbone of the notorite commanders for his perfect timing at very least. Always willing to do what is needed to achieve the ultimate goal, very few opponents try to fight against this mighty foe. This commander tends to enjoy destroying opponents so viciously that they never appear in the galaxy again.
Strengths: Skill, Luck, and perfect timing
Weakness: No weakness confirmed in battle as of yet.
THE TOP ENEMIES OF NOTORIOUS -
ITS FOR FUN - FUN Here it is, many thanks (i think) to phillodillo, who spent almost 7 minutes putting this together.... If your offended by any of it, i mean really offended, please contact dontbesuchalosser@wedontcare.com. THANKS :)
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Exigerbilim:
Known to the Notorites as The Great Betrayer, also now Known to be the Leader of the alien hordes. Also known to be a six inch tall belgum gerbil. Many fear this gerbil but it is not due to skill, mostly its due to the fear of catching rabies and also the fear that the rest of the gerbils will attempt to swoop up on u from “behind”. There are many ways to describe this egotistical fool. Most know him as/to be the following:
As useless as rubber lips on a woodpecker.
His personality's split so many ways he goes alone for group therapy.
His origins are so low, you'd have to limbo under his family tree.
Living proof that manure can grow legs and walk.
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Enemy’s strengths: Getting himself completely owned, then pretending thats how he wanted it. |
Enemy’s weakness: Little Legs |
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BlunderBear IV :
Known to be another waste of oxygen in the galaxy, We'd slap him senseless and all... but we can't spare three seconds! Therefore we wish for our servants to search out this sad excuse for a mammal. I mean seriously Blunderbear.....If I ever need a brain transplant, I'd choose yours because I'd want a brain that had never been used.
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Enemy’s strengths: Most lesser empires run from the smell of this unbathed bear.. (if thats a strength) |
Enemy’s weakness: Doesnt even know what AP is let alone how to keep it, Is easily destroyed in battle due to having no experiance. |
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Lard Confederate:
Known to be another betrayer of Notorites, and seduced by the dark side of the gerbil alien hordes.....and i mean seduced litterally.Now nothing but a torpedo whore,as he doenst know how to build anything else due to the gerbil training he recieved we wish for this fat fool to be brought in and executed. Sigh but again we dont have time for big headed noobs so we ask for lower level empires to bring him in. Things to know about Mr. Lardo: this empire has been trained so faulty that he thinks Taco Bell was a phone company, he has his head so far up exis arse that he could rechew his food for him.
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Enemy’s strengths:Ability to fire streams of fire from his AFT sections of his ships due to mass gerbil probing by exi |
Enemy’s weakness: Throw a bottle of lube within ten light years of this Empire and all atteniton is lost in battle. Minimal forces are needed to defeat him when he Isnt assisted by others due to the fact that he never has fleet |
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Kai of the crayola G:
Wanted for the illegal sale of sleep inducing agents, this mental midget has caused several small battalions to move at a snails pace to match his own, thus gaining an advantage. Originally wanted for using non-washable crayola markers to describe his love for a moose on a Notorite government building. Intel suggests that if you travel into a crayola-controlled sector, use of flamethrowers is suggested in battle. |
Enemy’s strengths: Endurance, you must watch the crayola fleet approaching for hours prior to it actually engaging you in battle. Many a commander has fallen asleep before the fight even began against him. |
Enemy’s weakness: The crayola fleets generally are constructed of airtight wax. Any battalion that has flame or plasma weaponry can melt them prior to the attacker coming in range. Also his fleets are generally never alone, destroy his underlings and he has to attack on his own which rarely occurs. |
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Whispertard: While this terrorist is only annoying at best, he is wanted for fluffing in Notorite controlled space. His standard method of attacking is using toxic fluff clouds to choke his opponents to death as his fleets have very little offence and next to no defense. Also wanted for cloning himself into many different names and forms. We managed to locate whispers hideout, it did take some time. but click here to see why we had such a hard time finding him. - Whisper at work |
Enemy’s strengths: The only known strength of this terrorist is the disturbing smells that emanate from his orifices. |
Enemy’s weakness: Use of any fleet should be more then enough to destroy any technology he currently carries. This terrorist has cloned himself so many times that their intelligence generally is equal to that of a fledgling empire and thus they are now unable to build ships that can even travel past the speed of light. |
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Olopus mortu: Not much is known of the ruler of this empire. Known as the tick on a Notorites dog, this empire is mostly known for completely missing its intended targets and running straight into defensive shields and being decimated instantaneously. The only reason this empire has not been captured previously is due to the difficulty following his remaining fleets trail due to the massive debris left from their losses. |
Enemy’s strengths: Known to follow stronger anti-notorite empires attacks in hopes of gaining power. Known to be able to flee from battle very quickly. |
Enemy’s weakness: This empire never realizes when he is outclassed and is often wrecked due to constant miscalculation. Also known to think they have some attack skills that simply don’t exist. Overconfidence is the biggest weakness of this empire. |
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Little whiner: Wanted for claiming to be the savior of all controlled under the Notorite empire, this small band of moose generally runs from battle when not supported by larger more advanced empires. While the leader of this empire has never been seen, it’s said that a great sickness would be caught from even a glance. Known to be a subservient of the crayolas, this empire is also wanted for distribution of sleep inducing agents as well. Notorite scientists have warned if seen in battle that droids should be sent in to board the command vessel thus impervious to any sickness, and use of tranquilizers should be implied. |
Strengths: Known to be able to run from battle quickly. Known to receive assistance from crayolas. Known to release sleep-inducing agents slowing down attacking or defending fleets. |
Weakness: Without adequate protection from other empires there is only minimal resistance from this empire. Known to retreat prematurely. Known to rely on out of date crayola technology. |
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Aladrool: This terror causing empire is mainly wanted for unconventional attacks against Notorite empires throughout the galaxy. His primary ability is infiltrating Notorite ship hangars and using a mass slobbering technique, thus shorting out Notorite targeting systems. Also known to use crayola technology, and to assist another wanted empire in capturing Notorite children’s teddy bears for disturbing acts. |
Strengths: While generally non-aggressive this empire does have average fighting capabilities. If the Notorite fleet is stricken with the slobbering technique it becomes difficult to catch and destroy their fleets. |
Weakness: It has been found that The droolers are not capable of handling massive Notorite torpedo attacks, as the slobber is not capable of penetrating their shells. Any energy-based weapons will cause the droolers to short out on the spot as well. |
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Trojan: Known to be exilim’s insane half cousin, this empire has excellent attacking ability, but is generally over confident thus easily destroyed in battle. Take heed however. Once this empire gets a foothold in a galaxy he generally will not easily let it go without a fight. This empire is known to use outdated Notorite technology however, so more advanced Notorite fleets are generally the victor in battle. Also known to have peace agreements with crayolas, and known to be quick to deceive others for his own advantage. |
Strengths: Attacking ability, deceptiveness, semi advanced weaponry. |
Weakness: Over confidence, tends to team with lesser easily destroyed empires thus weakening his chances in battle. Uses some crayola technology. |
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Valisnore: (aka Valawhiner, valanot, valisnot, valatwit) This sleepy minded empire that is “learned” by notorious, is wanted for spreading propaganda against notorites. Although utterly useless in battle take heed not to destroy his fleet to harshly or you run the risk of receiving mass complaint messages via the galactic net. Commander Spartapus’s message computer was once overloaded with messages begging mercy from this loon. This empire was up until recently enslaved to work the harvesters on the notorite home world but escaped due to crayola infiltrators. This empire must be recaptured due to the accusations it has spread, sad sad empire this is. |
Strengths: Has the ability to send mass messages begging mercy thus locking up your computer systems, while he runs like a scared kitten from battle. |
Weakness: All attempts at training this player to be of any use have now been proven to be a total failure. This empire is so unskilled it has been known to beg for mercy from even noobs moving into the galaxy. |
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Homogade: Known to be the biggest waste of space in the galaxy. Have you ever wondered what life would be like if you had a lack of oxygen at birth? One look at this empire will answer that question. This pee brain is wanted for hindering all other empires he has teamed up with in battle. If you fed with this guy you risk the following: 1. Lack of resources in federation. 2. Federation runs are impossible as he is always spent up. 3. Severe teasing from other empires for even thinking this guy was of use. Now if you catch this nincompoop feel free to turn him in, but as he is only wanted for his own lack of intelligence there is no reward. |
Strengths: The only known ability of this player is that he has the capacity to make defending empires faint from laughter watching him attempting to do anything of use.
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Weaknesses: No skills, no luck, never capable of doing anything other then damage himself in battle. Teams with anyone he can to gain popularity in the galaxy. |
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D.W.P: (Full name: Down With Playdoh, Don’t Want Punanni) This empire is mainly wanted for making attacks against notorites, Spartapus in particular. Dwp once fired a volley of approx. 125,000 torpedoes into spart’s fleet in a feeble attempt to dethrown him from power. Unfortunately Dwp ran from battle before he could be captured. Intel suggests that this empire has begun to gather other empires to assist him in yet another attempt to de-thrown notorites, however this is not feared among notorites as none of his allies have the technology to do any real harm.
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Strengths: Ability to fire large volleys of torpedoes at empires. |
Weaknesses:This empire while semi skilled has begun to grow to cocky and tends to “blow his load” far to early thus destroying himself. The key to defeating this empire is to just let him attack you, nine times out of ten he will have come into battle ill prepared. |
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Diaperstar: This wrinkled old man is most wanted for attempting to cause changes to the entire galaxy, going as far as the laws of physics themselves in order for him to gain an advantage in the game, and to have a chance against the notorites. Most known to look like a hamster, the only way this player will ever gain a carrot and rule over anyone is if heaven itself opened up and gave out free miracles. On a side note go ahead and let him try to teach you how to fight in the galaxy, Let him tell you everything he knows… after all it will only take ten seconds. If ignorance is bliss, Diaperstar must be the happiest person alive. |
Strengths: Has connections in the galaxy that make it possible for changes to occur, including the very laws of physics to gain advantages. Also has the ability to get other empires to send him resources to grow in defensive capabilities. |
Weaknesses: Known to fall easy in battle to more skilled players, Known to make changes in the galaxy that hinder him more then his intended targets at times. Always known to tremble with fear when he hears Spartapus’s fleet approaching. Known to go weeks without sleep in attempts to see attacks coming. |
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Kiss a mule Castle Guard: Formerly known as Claymores, this empire was forced to clone himself and change his name due to always being owned in battle by Notorites. Once a user of crayola technology, this empire thinks it stands a chance fighting alongside others just because he has a different name and new appearance. However he can be outwitted by a jar of Marshmallow Fluff. Fear not he will be captured and owned once again. Two harvesters are given to any empire that captures him for us, as we must use our time to fight more worthy opponents. |
Strengths: This Empire is confident that it stands a chance in the galaxy due to a name change and cloning. His cockiness does tend to assist him in battle against lower ranking empires. |
Weakness: At the sight of any Notorite this empire runs in fear. Simply wave a Notorite flag on a ship and the battle is over. |
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The Bearded Elephants: The strange creatures in this empire are wanted for several attempts at taking control of notorite harvester and home world facilities. Rarely alone in battle, she conjures up as many empires as possible to come to her aid and weaken the fleets she wishes to take control over. Take heed however, as this empire can defend with moderate skill. Most notorites however have more talent in their smallest farts than the elephant leader has in her entire body. |
Strengths: Ability to coax other empires to assist in taking down foes that would be impossible for beaded kind to defeat alone. |
Weakness: She is so hairy, when she lifts up her arm, she becomes blind in battle and hits her own fleet. Proof God has a sense of humor; this empire often just gives up due to self-mutilation. |
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Flat-tires: This Empire is wanted for its own good. Master of the Reverse running technique, they often beat their own fleets up prior to actually attacking another’s and thus must flee. The father of this empires leader spent the first year of Flat-tires life throwing rocks at the stork. Known to sound like he has a mouth full of wet toilet paper, do him a favor and return him to a notorite prison camp immediately. If this empire ends up with fleet left have no fear, being attacked by him is like being savaged by a dead sheep. Return him to us please we enjoyed watching him sit in senile dementia with a gangrene heart and rotting brain, grimacing at every reform, chattering impotently at all things that are of the notorite way, frothing, fuming, violently gibbering, going down to his grave in snarling infamy ... disgraceful, depraved ... and putrescent. |
Strengths: Known to be the only empire in existence to have achieved a reverse run. (If you call that a strength) |
Weakness: If they made hats the size of his brain he would be wearing a peanut shell, just sit safely aboard your destroyer and watch this nut lay pillage to his own fleets. Essentially this empire is a vacuum with nipples. |
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Monkey Knight: As his photo shows, it shouldn’t be hard to capture this Empires ruler. Just leave a banana trail and a running he will come. The main problem with this empires ruler was at first it was thought he had the IQ of an ice scraper, but then it occurred to Notorites that an ice scraper has 2 things Monkey knight does not: Direction and purpose. However his incompetence is an inspiration to idiots everywhere. As this Empires ruler is of no skill level whatsoever he tends to just sit and watch others battling, while scratching his head in wonder as to how they do it. Basically He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down. Basically speaking, when Monkey Knight was made, they broke the mold. Then, they found the mold maker, dragged him out into the street, and shot him. Repeatedly. Please bring in this guy for his own good. Notorites do not like seeing beings injuring themselves especially when its non-combatal injuries that are the cause 99% of the time. Notorious wants you to know that it is perfectly all right to have an unexpressed thought. In Monkey Knights case we even recommend it. |
Strengths: While the mass destruction of his own fleet is occuring, it is sometimes possible for a bananova to occur. Whilst damage rarely occurs to notorious fleets, it can take days to "clean" the fleet |
Weakness: Follows trails of fruit. Low IQ. Smell. |
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Dalvian: Known to be the 2 nd most insane person in the Space Conquest galaxy, this person is known to be one of a group called the “puppeteers” a group of defunct crayola followers that were abandoned by kai of the crayola g. Little whinner picked up several from that group and began experiments that involved attacking strings to their bodies and thus giving her complete control of the poor creatures. Now under her control, He is basically depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. Not too much is known about this empire, but one thing is rumored among notorites: He is rumored to have a personality split so many ways he goes alone for group therapy. |
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Skydive: Known to be the top underling of the queen of the puppeteers, this ding dong typically spends his time manicuring his owners feet. This empire can do damage in the galaxy but its fairly limited due to his trainer. Only a few other things are known about this empire. One of which is that he once sent a poison to philldodilldo in an assassination attempt. This attempt left philldodilldo burnt badly but he survived. The only other things known about him are the following:
Possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.
If idiots could fly, he would be an airport. |
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Sofatard: T he world's greatest proof of reincarnation-- no one could get that dumb in just one lifetime. This empire just sits around lazily mostly doing nothing of use to anyone. Including himself. Not of any threat to our great cause all we ask is you throw him a bag of potato chips every now and then to keep him busy while we plunder his empire.
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Maellstrom: The newest puppeteer added to the puppet queens collection,
this dingleberry is wanted for giving unfair anounts of minerals
and experience to feds other then the notorites. Rumored to be a
crossdresser, and also a crossbreed between a gerbil and ugly wooden
puppet. While orphaned when he was a child, we feel sorry for him,
but not for his parents. Sadly due to his being abandoned he was
easily placed on the puppet strings and is now forced to do pedicures.
Only a few other things are known about this empire and they are
the following:
His brain is known to feel as good as new, due to never actually
having used it.
In the dictionary under the word, "stupid," it says,
"see him."
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Tatics and battle excerpts - Coming soon to a player page near you! |